So, where do I begin? Well, maybe starting from the beginning would be a good place, I suppose. As I stated earlier, I’ve always loved poetry. It’s been a huge part of me, even in my younger years. I’ve always had an affinity for writing poetry; honestly, it’s truly the earliest form of literature I remember liking. I don’t really remember how I even realized I loved poetry or how I was introduced to it, to be honest. I think, and I could be mistaken, but I think I saw the movie Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams, and it resonated with me.
When writing my poetry, I feel like I’m more capable of getting myself out, like I can say exactly how I feel or what I’m thinking. Without worry about being judged or thought of not being enough. There was a poem I wrote, called “Finding Me…”. Where a stanza states pretty much what I’m referring too. “Poetry is synonymous within me. Every stanza I write may not be the best, but it’s me, nonetheless. Writing my feelings, so eloquently didn’t even know I could give them life and meaning.” I write every day, and I’ll be honest, it’s gotten better as I continue to write. I’m not going to pretend like my poetry is Pulitzer Prize winning poetry, but it does resonate with some people; and that’s the whole point. That’s the whole idea of it in my opinion.
I’ve loved Poetry for a long, long time. Since grade school, I believe. It just flowed out without me feeling like I had to over think it, or second guess it. It’s a little cliche but it kind of came naturally to me. I wanted to be a writer when I was younger, I have always been fascinated with the power of words. They can trigger all kinds of emotions and bring about new thoughts behind them as well. For example, you can say, “I’ve seen you in a new light as the moon light shines in the night sky, letting you know that you are not alone.” That can be interpreted in a few different ways. It can mean that you’re not alone even when you may feel like you are, there is always someone or something there that see’s you shine. Or it can be viewed as the love you found in a new relationship that brightens up your outlook on life. Truly, there are many ways to view that and interpret it. It all just depends on the individual that is reading it and the context that is held within them. Something that simple like what I have written above is quite genuinely a poem in its self.
I love words, and the power they hold. We have to be cautious with our words though as well. As beautiful as they are and lovely as they may make us feel, they can also do damage unto others or ourselves. Negative talk or writing can hurt you or other people a lot harsher than you may intend. Believe me when I say that negative self-talk was one thing I had to overcome. Still am as I write this, because we are our biggest critics and talk the harshest to ourselves. Self-love and writings of that can help quell that. Not saying it is easy, because it’s the hardest thing to do especially when you are at your wits end with things. For myself, poetry was my outlet. It was the way I could let out what I was feeling and not hold those thoughts in, further damaging myself. It was truly one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like a lot of my poetry was turning dark and self-deprecating. I felt the damage I was causing myself. I decided to turn that around and stop writing those types of poems.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret writing them. If I’m completely honest they were some of my best works. I look back on them now and I am just in awe of how dark I got. Breakups are great fodder for sad depressing poetry, but they can also be great to gratitude poetry. I dabbled in the latter, but managed to change my outlook on it all and changed my poetry. I started to write more positively, where I was grateful even for the pain that certain things were causing me, because they were lifelong lessons that I had to learn. I try to be positive all the time, sometimes it’s a little harder than other times but I have managed not to get fully diverged into the negativity. I have written a bunch of different pieces, and they run the gambit from love to feeling unworthy. My favorite has always been a nice romantic poem. One that touches the heart strings.
There are many modern-day poets that I have been following on my social media accounts. That quite literally reinvigorated my love for poetry. So, I don’t recall if I mentioned it prior or not, but in my later teen years I more or less let it get away from me. Then I got married and my focus and love for spoken word was lost along the way as well. It wasn’t my partners fault, nor the marriage itself that took me away. I think I just kind of became complacent with how my life was and became more or less lazy to chase my dreams. I don’t expect anyone to understand or agree with it even, but that was how my life turned out at that particular point. I don’t regret any part of that truthfully. It was a part of me, and I chose to live that way. I mean regardless of it, it’s in the past and I can’t change that now. I’m actually grateful for it all, it’s taught me some life lessons that I needed to learn (who am I kidding I’m still learning). It has been all a part of my journey to be here as I am today.
Poetry was something that I turned to especially going through the divorce. It really was a hard time for me, I wanted to get things off my chest. I wanted to say things that I needed to say but couldn’t really say out loud. I don’t know why I felt like I couldn’t or felt that I needed to keep it in, and poetry was my only outlet. I embraced it completely and it’s grown more so from that starting point. Way back when I was first introduced to the poetic world. I love that for myself. That even though I was in such a hard head space I was able to come back to myself. To what I loved from a time when I was young.
Gratitude…
Yesterday was amazing, out in the city doing my thing,
Listening to poets’ voices rise and sing.
Mayda Del Valle, the featured poet, takes the lead,
In her verses, each word hitting like a musician’s touch, bringing our collective souls in sync.
It was the second time I listened to her read. The first was unexpected,
My first open mic, not knowing how I’d feel, let alone if I’d fall in love.
And I did, wholeheartedly I gave right in.
I fell in love with poetry.
I delved deep, searching for more, like a poetic junkie, craving the next verse,
One that speaks to the masses, just like hers.
Hoping someday my words hit someone’s soul, the way it grabbed me and took hold.
There were many poets that day, some I hope to see again, that’s easy to say.
I’m truly grateful I got the chance to see Mayda read again.
I hope next time I can share my poems, having her grace me with her guidance, making them just as great.
I’m grateful for many things, not just seeing Mayda read her work.
I’m grateful that finding The CPC opened the door and genuinely walked me in.
Not literally, of course, but the feeling I’m carrying,
Which brings me a sense of belonging and meaning.
I was always an outsider,
Soft-spoken, kind of a loner.
But since falling in love with poetry, I’ve only grown louder,
Letting my voice be heard, and even in some cases, understood.
It’s such a magical feeling.
And I’ve only just begun, nowhere near hitting that ceiling.
Grateful I found my voice.
Grateful, through poetry, that I am truly me…
Poetic Dad 